I Got My Life Back!
I was putting drinking above anything and everything else, including myself, my dogs, and my work. This had been going on since October, when I decided to mix anxiety medication with alcohol. Before October, I was drinking, but felt I had control. Then I lost control of it, I quit caring about myself and the others it harmed. Drinking was the only thing that mattered, and I had no intention of stopping.
This affected me drastically. My health was in rapid decline, my dogs didn’t get the best care, and my job was no longer important. I quit caring about others, and I caused a lot of undue stress on my friend, who had to take on things I no longer cared to do.
By the time I hit bottom, my blood pressure was through the roof, my stomach was hurting all the time, and my ears were ringing nonstop. During that period of my life, I thought, “What kind of shit is life going to throw at me next?” So I stopped looking forward to the future.
In January, my mom and sister hopped on a red-eye flight to come get me and bring me to Narconon Arrowhead. I was mad. I was mad at the doctor who prescribed the anti-anxiety medication, at them, and, quite frankly, I was mad at the world. I didn’t know what to expect when I arrived.
I did expect to regain my physical health, which I did through Withdrawal and Sauna (New Life Detoxification) Program. Along the way in the sauna, I had a lot of wins and realizations, including regaining my ability to focus, understanding that “clear body, clear mind” really is the best title for the book about the program, and realizing I don’t need a drink in my hand to have fun.
All of my realizations have been needed, but there are a few that stood out against the rest from doing the New Life Detoxification Program:
1. I had a bad injury to my ankle about 5 years ago. I lived in a lot of pain for a long time. I realized I let pain, or even just the fear of pain, control my life for far too long, and it was time to take that control back!
2. Just like anyone else, my job can be stressful and demanding of my time. Over the years, I gave my time and thoughts up more and more willingly, to the point where even when I was not there physically, I was often still there mentally.
I was really stressed about taking a leave of absence, not only because of the reason for it, but mostly because I was about a year into a three-year $28 billion project that I was put in charge of, and bailed on midstream.
When I called my boss to explain some things and apologize, the call couldn't have gone any better. But I didn’t feel the sense of relief I had been expecting. It wasn’t until that evening that I realized I don’t need anyone’s permission to do what is best for me, and it’s time for me to take care of me unapologetically. As it turns out, the relief was mine to give all along.
3. I started to see so many parts of me I had lost start to come back. I realized if my family hadn’t brought me to Narconon Arrowhead, I would still be at home convincing myself I don’t have a problem because I can “reel myself in," but in all reality—I was stuck! So, I am not mad, but actually grateful that it happened because I needed this Program more than I realized.
4. The fourth and biggest win from Sauna was that I was smiling again. I’ve always been the kind of person who can be serious when needed, but I also believe life is meant to be lived and that is always done best with a smile on my face. To be honest, alcohol never made my pain go away, it never alleviated my stress, and it never solved a single problem. But alcohol did do a few things—it kept me from living, and it stole my smile!
I also expected to fine-tune the “why” I drank and build a fortress around my sobriety, which I did in Objectives and Life Skills courses. I felt as though a weight I didn’t know was weighing me down had been lifted, and all those negative emotions got left where they belong—in my past! Being pulled into the present during Objectives made my fear of the future and need to plan for the worst go away. It was truly life-changing and one I drastically needed.
“I came to Narconon Arrowhead to get alcohol-free and what I got was my life back!”
For all intents and purposes, what few expectations I had were met, but it was the unexpected that truly gave me my life back. Through a series of courses, I learned to live in the present, how to stay here in the now, and how to overcome my past. I came to Narconon Arrowhead to get alcohol-free, and what I got was my life back!
Thank you, Narconon Arrowhead!
K.M., Narconon Arrowhead Graduate
