The Beginning of the Journey Back to Life

I was a wreck when I got here in February. I was also dealing with complications from a wreck I had in November 2023. I wasn't in the healthiest place before that. I was trying to get on my feet after a string of in-patient programs over the last 5 years. They helped me get some clean time under my belt, some addiction and mental health education, some therapy, and some anonymous meetings. It wasn't bad at all, but I kept unraveling after leaving. I also felt like drugs weren't my primary problem. To me it felt like the outcome of a long and unforgiving downward spiral, a spiral that I was slipping down years before I ever abused drugs. The drugs accelerated the process, though, and so did the chronic pain I was in when I broke my back avoiding an oncoming truck.

During the three weeks I was in Withdrawal the drugs wore off and I could hardly walk from the nerve pain and muscle spasms. I didn't sleep at all for a while, but it improved enough to start the New Life Detox Program, where it improved further.

By the end of the New Life Detox Program, I was averaging 5 hours a night, which doesn't seem like much, but it was much more than I normally get without drugs or medication. I also felt a noticeable decrease in my depression by the end, which I'm very grateful for.

I then moved on to Objectives which was tremendously helpful in unexpected ways for unexpected reasons. Yes, I had some great realizations and became more present, which has been more valuable to me than I can ever explain, but it also was a baptism by fire for my patience with my twin. If you had met him or had been in the course room you would know what I'm talking about. Despite the difficulty, I feel like I got more out of it than I might have normally, and I am grateful for that.

Also, around this time I got surgery. I discovered I had a few screws loose, literal ones, in my spinal fusion. The chronic pain and muscle spasms that had plagued me for over two years had been caused by screws rubbing on nerves. And I had a little infection from the first surgery after the accident as a kicker. I left in the middle of Objectives with a cane but came back a week later walking without one and finished Objectives.

“I am out of the hole I was in, sure, but the steep never-ending mountain of life is still ahead of me. I'm prepared for it now and eager to climb it step by step.”

After that, I had even more progress on Life Skills. These three courses were very important for me. The New Life Detox Program and Objectives got me out of the hole I never thought I'd get out of, but Life Skills equipped me and forced me to face my problems head-on and take responsibility for my existence. I had been missing that for so long and I paid a heavy toll for it. I hated myself, I deprived myself of joy and success, and then I used drugs to avoid thinking about it all when the despair was too great for me to handle. I am equipped to handle it now. My perspective of life and myself is not warped anymore. I actually like who I am right now, with all my imperfections. I think I'm actually a badass for the work I've done here. I am out of the hole I was in, sure, but the steep, never-ending mountain of life is still ahead of me. I'm prepared for it now and eager to climb it step by step. I know I'll stumble and sidestep at times, but I'm prepared for that, too. I've only just started that journey, but compared to where I was, the view is breathtaking.

To the program, the staff, and the students, thank you for your support and the challenge I've needed for so long.

S.T., Narconon Arrowhead Graduate