As the saying goes, nobody is perfect. Human nature includes both negative and positive emotional expression, personality and behavior. The marker of a happy and successfully person or activity is the factor of balance—outweighing the negative with positive. When a person is more positive than he is negative (more right than he is wrong) he is seen to succeed, and he is usually befriended by others who see his many good points.
The fact that nearly everyone has an irrational side doesn’t make negative behavior any less startling or destructive when we encounter it. Hence we arrive upon the basis of the importance of being able to handle such personalities and situations, and, most importantly, what to do if your spouse has a destructive personality.
What Classifies as Destructive Behavior
Negativity and destructive behavior are two very relative terms in that, what one may find to be irrational or wrong, another may feel completely differently. Some of the more commonly agreed-upon destructive elements seen in human interactions are:
- Unfaithfulness or Lack of Trust
When behavior, perceived actions or a fear of hidden relationships develop, a lack of trust will eat away at the foundation of any relationship. Further, it can be very destructive when one spouse refuses to forgive another for a past wrong-doing. Hanging a person’s faults over their head is irrational and counter-productive to building or repairing relationships.
- Finding Fault
Merely shifting the blame or pointing the finger does little to resolve issues, and in most cases just further aggravates the situation. Nobody wants to be wrong, but it takes a big-hearted person to step up and take responsibility for wrong-doing.
- Unwillingness to Compromise
One of the keynote characteristics of a destructive personality is an unwillingness to compromise or, simply: “It’s my way or the highway.” Successful social interaction depends largely on compromise, especially in close relationships, because no two people are exactly alike.
- Verbal Abuse or Physical Violence
Using a harsh or violent tone, negative words and resorting to physical attacks are all destructive mediums of expression, and these are not considered forms of communication.
[Ref: http://drphil.com/articles/article/22]
Dealing With Negativity in a Marital Relationship
It can occur that marital partners find themselves, after some time, at each other’s throats or simply out of touch with one another to some degree. If both partners are interested in salvaging the relationship, any marriage can be repaired:
- Locate the source of the negativity—for example, did something specific take place, or have you drifted apart?
- Using open and honest communication, break the ice. Discuss the tough subjects and, from a position of love, work out any issues which arise.
- If issues of trust or unfaithfulness present themselves, use personal amends as a means to rebuild trust.
- Set future marital goals and plan fun activities to keep cultivating the marriage and your happiness together.
Avoiding Conflict
Often times, marital partners report that their spouse exhibit signs of a destructive personality. This does not necessarily mean that the marriage won’t work, but it does make it highly necessary for both marital partner to immediately adopt tactics to avoid conflict.
- When things grow to be heated, take a break or even a walk around the block before re-visiting the issue.
- Remember not to sweat the small stuff—taking responsibility will show your spouse how to do the same.
- Be honest and communicate (kindly) when situations arise. Don’t let them build up or simmer and boil over.
- Remember that nobody is perfect. You may have destructive elements of your own personality, so don’t be too quick to judge your spouse.