I Finally Saw Myself and Not the Devil in the Mirror

What a spiritual journey this has been. I was in bad shape before coming to Narconon Arrowhead. Strung out on drugs was just the obvious issue. I was at the end of my rope. Literally, I didn’t want to live anymore. I had no true friends left—they all avoided me and had turned their backs on me, and now I can see why. My family didn’t trust me in anymore—not to be around them, with money, property or believe anything that came out of my mouth.

I had lost everything—my job, my fiance, my freedom. Everyone was afraid of me and what I might do next. I just simply could not function normally at anything I did, except being a dope head criminal. I sold off all my tools, family coin collections, my antiques, and my soul. I was living out of my truck. Going from couch to couch. I hated everything about life and everyone in it. My ex-wife, who was also my best friend, had tried in every way to tell me how bad I was getting, how weird I was acting, pointing out all the things that were obvious to everyone I came into contact with except the man in the mirror.

Rehabs have never worked for me. Maybe because I had always been forced into them by probation or parole. I went through several over a twenty-year period. In-house, IOP (Intensive Outpatient), 12 step meetings. I faked my way through every last minute—but not here at Narconon. Not this time. Granted this time I choose to come to Narconon but, truthfully I still tried to fake it. I tried to hustle the program, set myself up to fail, wanted to leave because that’s what addicts do—anything and everything to just use again.

When I tried to leave a staff member approached me, not as a counselor but as a man. He reminded me of why it was I came in the first place, of all the trust I had lost, how I would feel about myself if I quit being sober again. I told him I thought this was a cop-out, that this wasn’t helping anyone, that I needed to go home and go back to work. But I was just running from my problems, taking the easy way out, as always. He responded by saying, “This program is not for everyone—this is not running away from life. It’s running toward it. This will be one of the hardest things you will ever do. And in the end, you will look in the mirror and love what you see, and so will everyone else.”

As usual, I was hard-headed but I stayed a little longer. I told him I’d stay for the detox part of the program, then I’m out. Somewhere in the middle of the next few days—at some point in my detox, I looked in the mirror and low and behold, there was that guy I hadn’t seen in a long time. My skin had started to clear up from sweating in the sauna. I had put on a little weight, my cheeks were no longer sunk in. So, I stayed a little longer and as time went by, I liked the man in the mirror more and more every day. Of course, I thought about leaving a couple of times during different parts of the program. I would say to myself I’m good now. But, as I finished each step of the program, the man in the mirror was smiling more and more.

“This program makes you discover why you use,
instead of telling you why.”

Now at the end of the program, I feel like I can accomplish anything. My family is talking to me again, they are excited to see me and proud of me graduating. I’m gaining their trust again. This is nothing like any program I have ever been through. They do stuff that seems stupid and pointless, but, if you want to truly live a drug-free life with confidence that you won’t use again, this is the program that worked when nothing else did. This program makes you discover why you use, instead of telling you why.

This was an awesome journey, mentally, physically and spiritually in many ways. So, this is coming from someone that said nothing will ever work, and being told for years that I would always be an addict. It’s not true. And, I really have no desire, no cravings, no thoughts of ever doing drugs again. And, I did it by coming here. This place has literally saved my life. And, as for the man in the mirror, the possibilities of a happy, loving life are there again.” —Curtis

Narconon Arrowhead is committed to educating the public about the harmful effects of drug abuse. Protect yourself and your family or friends; click here and get your very own copy.