From Nowhere: A Graduate’s Story

I use the word ‘nowhere’ not to describe my current situation but to convey to others where I was at in life. Before entering the Narconon program in 2014, my state of existence would best be described as a scene from a horror movie that, no matter how hard I tried, I could not escape. The ruin and despair that was my life ruled my days, and no matter how sick I became, the more ravaged my body got, or the weaker I became, my mind always told me one thing: use more substances to ease the pain.

Truth be told, when I began using, I was trying to mask all the fears and anxieties about life and myself. I tried to escape into a world where I would be sedated and happy. In due time, I discovered that the chemicals I used to solve my personal problems became a problem in themselves. In trying to ease my suffering, I created more suffering.

The intensity of what I had put myself through became so problematic that I lost all control over myself and my life. I spiraled so low that my options dwindled to the point of essentially not having any. I was jobless, living in a hotel, and completely isolated from the world as people know it. I was a man stranded on an island, and I felt doomed to live a life filled with regret, pain and hopelessness.

The style of music usually dictates the type of dance a person is doing. That’s when the change started happening for me. I saw that I could no longer dance through life the way I had been. I was on a path to ruin and eventually death. I needed to hear a different tune and begin anew.

When I first entered the door of the Narconon Center, I was perhaps in the worst shape of my life. Words cannot describe the pain and suffering that I felt at that time. Each second felt like an eternity. Withdrawal from drugs feels this way, but as the days went on, I began regaining small bits and pieces of myself. I started the rejuvenation process, and while it was not easy, the pain drifted slowly away. Mentally, I was still in a fog, but physically, I began to feel much stronger.

I then went through the sauna portion of the program, and when I finished, I noticed a change in mood that I hadn’t experienced before. I no longer needed drugs to help my mood or sleeping medication so I could sleep. The depression that I endured for many years evaporated, and I could once again sleep at night. It was a miracle. I had a clean body and a clear mind for the first time.

I began the coursework portion of the program and learned how to take control of myself and my environment. I learned how to be at ease with myself and those around me. The most important lesson I learned was self-control. I learned the proper tools to exert control over my thinking and my environment in a positive way. I began to get a sense that I was never a victim of addiction and that I always had the power inside of me to change it. Empowerment is the greatest liberator for those who are suffering. It unleashes a type of freedom that only those who have been addicts can truly comprehend and appreciate.

“There is no better gift I could have than that.”

I had always wanted to show others that real change is possible. For me, the key to staying clean and sober is belief. I have a belief in myself, others, and the Narconon program. I have achieved all of these, and I am a living example of what true recovery looks like. There is no better gift I could have than that.

Troy, Narconon Graduate