Getting Back to Who I Am

I was born in Albany and raised in Boston Lake, New York. One of the happiest moments in my life was my very first concert. It was a One Direction concert in Pennsylvania. I was in middle school, and my mom brought my best friend with us on vacation. We also went to Hershey World, and every moment with my best friend was good.

Early 2018 was when I started using drugs. I had a rocky relationship with my mother before that.

I had a really bad boyfriend before the drugs started. He was emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive. He introduced me to drugs, and it became a drug-dependent relationship. His mom would sell me oxycodone that she had for pain relief. I started snorting it, and then he started mixing it with something else—heroin. He said to me, “Do this and you’ll feel better.” I remember wondering afterward why I felt so weird. I was physically addicted at that point. But I thought this was the best I could get. I had no self-respect and no self-love.

Drugs affected everything in my life. I remember being on the street trying to find a place to live. I lost all trust with all of my family. I had to slowly rebuild that as well as with my friends. I had nothing. I ended up on death's doorstep.

My family arranged an intervention to get me to go to Narconon. Mom wanted something that would not use drugs to get me off drugs. I didn’t really want to be in the situation I was in, but I did not have the mental strength to get out of it by myself. I felt I didn’t deserve anything more than that. So I accepted it and did what I had to do.

When I arrived, I was 100 pounds. I remember everything from my grandmother coming with me on the plane to walking through the front doors.

While I was there, I got to work on myself and my physical well-being.

I knew I wasn’t who I really was. That’s why I stayed. I wanted to get back to who I really was and get back to my goals in life.

I learned who was good for my life and who was not, based on personality traits. Considering who I was around, it really helped me realize not to hang around certain personalities because they will destroy you to make them feel better. That’s where I went wrong.

I was able to decipher my sins. I discovered what I actually did wrong compared to what someone else made me take on and feel like was mine, even if it wasn’t.

I figured out who I am, and I rebuilt my self-worth and self-love.

I was ecstatic when I graduated from the program. I was able to go to my mom’s house and work my way up. I now own a house, I have my own car, and I’ve held a job for 6 years.

My relationship with my family is better than it’s ever been. It was a huge turning point. Before, I didn’t have a solid relationship with a lot of my family. Now we are closely knit again, and my relationship with my mom completely turned a 180.

Now that I am drug-free, I like that I have money. I know that it may sound odd, but you don’t realize until you don’t have these kinds of things how good it feels to have them. It’s so weird to have money to do things. I can afford things now.

“I am back on track with my schooling for the career I’ve always wanted, and it feels great.”

I am back on track with my schooling for the career I’ve always wanted, and it feels great.

My biggest win is being drug-free and staying clean, which I’ve now done for almost 6 years.

So what advice would I give to someone who was struggling with addiction? Get help as soon as possible. It’s not worth losing everything. Your life is worth living. And if you’re on that road to recovery, I know it might seem hard and it might feel like it’s never going to end, but persevere and push through. In the end, it will be worth it.

L.J., Narconon Arrowhead Graduate