I Found Myself

S.S., Narconon Arrowhead Graduate
S.S., Narconon Arrowhead Graduate

Prior to coming to Narconon Arrowhead, I was miserable on the inside and in life. I had no contentment, no satisfaction, nor happiness in my life. I was stuck in the past, unwilling to accept my marriage was over, and I was consumed in hurt and anger. I had tried everything in my power to change my life, and nothing worked.

In April of 2020, I became heavily involved with drugs and drinking on a daily basis. In February of 2021, I had hit my rock bottom and was willing to do whatever it took to get clean and change my life. That’s when my family contacted Narconon, and within minutes I was on the phone with a Narconon representative arranging plans for me to get on a plane to a place I swore I would never consider and a state I had no desire to ever step foot in. But I was willing to do the program here, knowing it was my only hope at getting clean and a chance to be healthy and happy in life.

When I walked in the doors at Narconon Arrowhead, I was completely broken on the inside.

After completing each step of the program, I started regaining myself and my life—many things became new to me again. After doing the steps, I was able to persistently be in the moment and sit comfortably and confront another person without any distractions or hesitation—truly seeing what was directly in front of me. After completion of the Drug-Free Withdrawal, I felt confident for the first time since April 2020. Prior to coming here, I couldn’t imagine being on anyone’s schedule other than mine, and it feels great to be on a schedule again. I don’t think about self-medicating in order to get my day off to start, and I go to sleep at night with a clear conscience. I actually go to sleep to start and end a new day instead of it all just rolling in together.

“I feel that this is a start to the beginning of
a happy or content life for me.”

I feel that this is a start to the beginning of a happy or content life for me.

On the next step of the program, I continued acquiring abilities that I lost somehow. On the training drills, I got a clearer understanding of communication and how I can control how I communicate with others. The drills taught me effective, productive and better ways to communicate.

Upon completing the Objectives, I literally felt 100 pounds lighter. I didn’t realize how far stuck in the past I had been until now. I realized I couldn’t or didn’t want to confront reality; therefore, I didn’t know how to be present and live life on life’s terms. I had been holding on to my way, which was totally wrong and unhealthy. I used drugs to escape the past and robbed myself of so much by choosing not to live in current real-life time. I discovered misdirected anger. I learned how to let things go in order to be healthy and stay in the present and what choices are mine and in my control so that I can be the best version of me I can be. It feels good to be able to finally LET GO OF A LOT OF THINGS that I’ve been holding on to because that’s all I’ve known for so long.

Everything in life requires a choice from me. Every choice has consequences. I have to evaluate every choice prior to jumping and be sure and confident I can live with the consequences of my choices. I am in control of me—no matter the situation, place or person involved.

I control me unless I give something the power to control me.

I can change anything—regardless. I get to choose for Sarah now. It feels good to finally want to face reality and present time.

The Objectives brought me back to reality and gave me the tools to take a daily inventory and confront what needs to be confronted; whether I want to or not, I know how to now.

I gained a level of achievement I never had before.

Then I started Life Skills, the last stretch of the program. There’s a course called Overcoming Ups and Downs. Doing this gave me the knowledge of antisocial and social characteristics that people have at some time or another in life. I learned that just because a person demonstrates certain characteristics doesn’t define them as one or the other. I learned to look at the people in my life from an objective point of view. I learned how to handle the toxic people in my life. I am able to use this knowledge going forward to be aware of who is toxic and to avoid them or how to handle certain antisocial characteristics when they come my way.

“The greatest relief came from knowing that I don’t have to be that person anymore.”

Then you have the Personal Values course. I’m very thankful to the staff for pushing and pushing me to dig deeper during this process. Every time they had me dig deeper, I had my biggest realizations and wins—I pointed out to others what I didn’t like about myself, I was critical and judging. The greatest relief came from knowing that I don’t have to be that person anymore. I don’t have to feel or look superior to others. I’ve worked really hard at turning an honest look and inventory at who I am on the inside and dealt with a lot and know that whatever is on the inside reflects on the outside. I see individuals for who they are and I am more open to understanding them, which allows me to accept them, and I’m much happier being that person versus the critical person I have been most of my life. I never thought I would feel so much relief, but it came only from digging deep and being 100% honest with myself. Now I am equipped to carry this over to all areas of my life and be the person I’ve wanted and tried to portray. I’m responsible for me, and how my life goes from here on out. I can take all that I’ve gained to use it to be the best me possible.

The very last step is called Changing Conditions in Life. This is a course that helps you do that exactly. I realized that in life, everything is changing. Life is either going up, or it’s going down. In the past, I was resistant to accepting this principle in this life. I couldn’t take an honest look at any area of my life, much less see where the changes needed to be made or how to start the process of changing. My life is a result of my inability to take an honest look at the conditions of my life and not knowing how to change.

I feel I’ll be able to apply the needed conditions in the areas needed in my life to continue to improve what’s needed in order to get to a normal condition of life and maintain it.

I came to Narconon because something inside of me was broken, and I didn’t know how to fix it. I had tried everything in my power, and I always turned to drugs as the solution.

Working the Narconon program was the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. It wasn’t until writing my life story that it got really hard for me. I wanted to do my normal—run. Runaway from here and myself so I didn’t have to confront the things I had never been able to take responsibility for. It wasn’t until then that I understood how much the staff here care for their students—when I broke down, flipped out and acted a total brat, the staff anchored me. I wouldn’t have got through without the staff working with me and not letting me give up on myself.

The Narconon program made a new me out of me! My mind is 1100% clearer. I am able to be in the present moment, not stuck in the past or too far in the future where I become miserable with myself and everything around me. I am able to accept people and situations for what they are and not based on what I want and need.

“I am grateful for this program and the staff for giving me
the best second chance at living the life I deserve and to be
the person I am today...”

I made friends with females for the first time in my life, and I find unique beauty in each one as they are. I am grateful for this program and the staff for giving me the best second chance at living the life I deserve and to be the person I am today because of the program, and what it taught me to live a drug-free, happy and meaningful life.

After completing the program, for the first time in my life, I can say that I’m not that broken girl anymore.

—S.S., Narconon Arrowhead Graduate