My Pride Stopped Me from Seeking Help 

 

In my time here at Narconon Arrowhead, I have learned many things not only about myself but about people around me too. 

When I started I was lost in emotional turmoil and my pride stopped me from seeking help. 

I never thought of pride as a problem but for me, it was my worst enemy. 

The thought of burdening others with my issues made it easy for me to not care, my lack of caring not only affected me but those that love me as well. 

Instead of seeking help, I drowned out my pain with alcohol and drugs. This caused me to neglect the people that only wanted to see me succeed. 

By doing this I just created distance and more pain. I couldn’t see an end in sight that had a happy ending. My mind was in shambles and my heart constantly ached. My heart didn’t ache because of a medical condition, it ached because I no longer loved myself and I couldn’t feel love from others. 

I was constantly numb, all except for my aching heart. 

I prayed to feel love, I prayed to feel Joy but all I felt was an empty void. 

No matter what I did the pain wouldn’t subside. It would sit and wallow in my own Pride. 

I’m stronger than this, I don’t need help, I’ve succeeded in life all by myself. The reality was that I was wrong and my prayers were answered by me being an idiot and totaling my car. 

I ended up here receiving the help I needed, not necessarily the help I wanted. I learned about my faults and gained tools to analyze my shortcomings. 

I have faced my past and put those memories where they need to be, in my past. The terrible things I have done no longer have at my mind and I spend my days focused on present time. 

I have goals and ambition and will live a life full of integrity. I no longer need an escape
because I am the one in control and I won’t let anything take control from me again.